#but I wanted to try it out and this is my art documentation blog🫶

[myokk]

my first attempt at digital art (never again🥲) for mctober💘

Eloise Babbit✨

slytherin

5th year

favorite subjects: arithmancy & ancient runes

least favorite subject: beasts (animals make her nervous🥲)

hobbies: reading & thinking (IT’S A HOBBY OKAY??)

[mascheratoh]

some updates 🗣

sooo heyyy mama tinas back at it 😜😜

just wanted to come and say hi! im alive! ive been out of comission for a hot minute because of ... 1.) university sure is a bitch and 2.) i kinda fell out of all my hobbies for a second because of reason 1.

but i am in fact working on things! i know i have a bad habit of losing motivation on projects, or fall out of love with them but i really do want to keep at it with the things ive already put so much love and effort into. if not for my friends then... for myself!

soo some updates for my friends

1. im rewriting agonaeum, or what i have already. i privated the story on ao3 because i just dont really feel like its ready, and i feel like the dialogue is clunky and after sitting on the overall story i had, i feel like the first few chapters i had out just dont reflect the direction i want the story to head into.

because im rewriting it, im also planning to rewrite some of the characters? not sure yet we'll see how i feel about it.

2. i feel like my art isnt where i want it to be at. but im going to try to practice now that i have (some) more free time, in the small moments i can. ill try to be more active on here since twitter is a shithole now.

speaking of twitter.. im STILL INCREDIBLY ACTIVE ON TWITTER and although for a few months it became more of a personal account to document the transition to college, ive been back and if i can i would like to post more wips, doodles, and other scp jokes and shitposts etc on there. of course i will (try) to do that on here but i want this blog to be more finished pieces + additions to lore i have for agonaeum.

thank you and goodnight 🫶

[introspectiveconfessions]

“maybe if I wasn’t so into the idea that I have to be depressed to make good art then I would make more of it.”

a discussion by an anonymous loser girl who can’t decide how to define herself or if she should even try to define herself. 🫶🏽

hello void! Long time, no posts! There is nothing satisfying or interesting happening in my life at this particular moment so I’m gonna try ONCE AGAIN to document things on this godforsaken hellscape of an internet. Maybe texting things out instead of picking up a legitimate pen will help me to journal/blog. “What’s the purpose of blogging?” the void asks. Great question, void. My answer is simple. I DONT FUCKING KNOW. I need to get these thoughts out bc why tf not I guess but also maybe someone else will relate? Maybe I’ll find community? Maybe I’ll just be another data point that’s ignored by everyone? Idk dude. I’m tired and I want to complain. Is that okay with you? No? Who cares. I’m doing it anyways and tbh I never asked for your opinion and even if I did I’m not sure I would care about it until late at night when I begin to think about every interaction I’ve ever had.

Let’s talk about ME

My least favorite but also my favorite subject. I’ve been watching a lot of video essays and thought daughter tiktoks as of late and I’ve come to the conclusion that I think I’m a loser. A girl failure, a femcel, a weird woman… if you will or if you won’t. So the thing is, I grew up adjacent to American School culture but not in it, just an observer of it. This has done wonders for my psyche bc I was able to establish myself as an archetype whenever I wanted but never had the data to back up my validity. Am I poser? Most definitely. I did not have the social standing in my community to fit into a specific group and become defined. There was no status quo for me to chase. It was just me, on the bleachers. I was watching every other child and adolescent close to my age find their social standing and redefine it, get lost in it, or be rejected by society! And I was merely an observer, a fan, an audience member. So now as an adult I am surrounded by individuals who had that opportunity and they’ve moved past the implications of high school. But does high school ever end? I wouldn’t know bc high school wasn’t something I did. Was I jock? Was I a nerd? Was I a theater kid? (I definitely was not a theater kid.) but I never knew and I certainly don’t know now! Is it relevant? Probably not. But I’m having trouble finding an identity in which I can relate to people with, that is excluding my close circle of friends of course. All of this has become a burgeoning thought bc I started a new job, I’m planning to go back to school, and the schools I am entertaining are NO where near my current home. Meaning within a year or two, I will be in an entirely different community and having to introduce myself to strangers as a no name, no identity, no social standing… loser/person. All of which has never stopped me before, but… it’s been on my mind more presently than it ever has before. I have always been fine as an observer. It’s quite exciting to see how people interact with each other especially when they are forced into a situation in which they never would have otherwise interacted with each other.

What do I mean when I say I am a loser? To provide clarification, I don’t mean it in a negative context. I think of myself as an outlier in my community. My thoughts and opinions are somewhat in opposition of the cultural norm. My interests are more closely aligned with characterizations of a “‘morally bankrupt woman”. I call that reality but that’s not everyone’s reality. Here are the facts.

- my screen time is laughably high.

- I’m obsessed with off putting things

- I have no interest in aligning myself with trends

- I’m a big fan of being leisurely

- I like ugly things

This all kind of reads like a loser. I’m successful at keeping a job, I can win at certain things in life. But I definitely have had my fair share of failures. Can I make a friendship or relationship last? Sometimes but my history is kind of… it’s not great. Am i interested in improving those odds? I think it would be remiss to say… nah, I really don’t care. Fuck it we ball. ✌🏽

lol I also can’t even ball. I’m sure if I put in the practice I could be an average athlete but my feet are so uncoordinated they barely walk correctly.

Why am I talking about being a loser so much? Idk it’s been on my mind maybe bc I feel like a walking contradiction as of late. If you looked at me and made a snap judgement, loserdom isn’t exactly the vibe I give off. But I definitely feel like I’m an incognito loser. 🧐

Dude. Upon writing that last sentence… I came to the conclusion I have IMPOSTER SYNDROME. Jesus Christ, how much more of a loser CAN I GET. 😫That’s literally so typical I’m gonna have to commit an action of death agains myself. Character assassination…

More like character: ass of the nation amiright ladies?

Fuck. Someone take me out back. I need to stfu. Anyways that is my headspace will comment more later. I’m kind of invested in this finding Nemo ambiance video I got going on rn. It’s literally sea life with the soundtrack of finding Nemo in the background. I’m obsessed. Brb I gotta drink a coke and play solitaire with this massive vibe I’ve bequeathed myself with.

btw my title is very misleading. I’m not talking about art at all unless you consider me art. My character as a form of art? Bruh. If my character was an art style I just know it would be something so pretentious.